better off anyway

no matter where this story goes, it's always been me who's hurt. i know someone else feels the same, but i just don't care anymore. i wanna be free. i wanna fly like a bird. it has been a long time and i'm wondering why is it always me. i'm not too stupid to realize what's going on around me or what people do around me. i'm growing up and as i get older, i'm getting confused with myself, who i want to be and with whom i want to be with. i don't know who the hell i am anymore. i just lost my way for now. i know i just wanna be me and little changes won't be hurt. i have to set an aim in my head and being a little overprotective might help me a bit. it's not like i'm build up blocks around me, i just don't wanna get hurt anymore. i'm going to stay away and no more turn around after that. instead of crying every night, i'm going to have a blast in my life. i want to live it to the fullest, like people always said. so that's it, i wanted to move on. i wanted it so much that i even wanted to jump off from a 100 storeys building. fuck everything that hurts me. fuck everyone who broke my heart. i am not going to be the same. this one i promise u. i'm going off and never come back into your life. i'm getting enough and i just can't take it anymore. i don't care what people said or what they think when reading this. i know they will not understand but believe me, this is not some crap that i wrote to get some cheap shit of attention. this is what my heart wants to say. and from this day on, i hope the new but not too much me is reborn.

cuti cuti cuti

ngee... mcm tiada benda sy mo ckp hari ni.. today we went to visit IWK again. makin hitam suda ni. panas bh cuaca. anak kucing pun boleh mati. huhu.

oh ya, im going back home this friday for raya holiday. best3, can't wait. really miss my family especially my little bro. wait for me Cicil yang nakal.

and i have to return here on 8th of September. haiz. padahal cuti sampai 10hb. this is because we have a health program at Siamese village. the residents there are very excited when knowing we will make a health program at their village. tidak pernah dibuat di kampung orang siam, tu lah tu dorang excited. bagus kan kami? hahaha. :p

and as the holiday getting nearer, my roommate and i are trying hard to eat all those foods in fridge. wish us luck. lol. bye for now. need to go. :)

starting all over again~

oh yeah oh yeah i know i haven't been blogging like ages! actually there were some reasons for it but lets just ignore about it okay. starting now i want to open new book, new page and more pages are coming with the new me. new me? i don't even know what was the old me. :P

okay, so now where do i start? name, location, work, age, blah blah blah... it doesn't matter. currently having my practical as a Health Inspector at PLK Jitra. gonna spend a year in here then heading back to LOVELY college. oh, i'm going back every semester end for my final exam. =.=

for now things are all okay. every little things that makes me down now i just put it aside. i don't wanna think about the past anymore. i mean, i'd just stop doing that for now. no good for me. and i realized many things has changed. and i don't know whether that changes are good or not. but just let it be and see where it's leading me.

gonna write more later. don't mocking at me for my lame blog. i can sue u. haha. :P
and oh yeah don't forget to follow me on Twitter. gonna spend more time there. :)

healing a broken heart

it's still hurts. my heart still aches. for all of these times, i still can't get over u. i hate the fact that i'm missing u whenever u are far from me. and yet, i'm still trying to heal this broken heart of mine.

exam!

i only have 4 days left before the final examination. good. it means i can go back home after a half year over here. too many to read. and my gastric keep attacking me especially at nights. huh. fuck exam.

sigh..

the sky seems so dark, and my heart is full of sorrow. i wish God would give me some happiness. thinking of u is not the thing that i love to do. i used to, but now i really hope i wouldn't thought of u anymore. how could i possibly forget about u when all of these times u were the one who can make me happy and cry for the next minute? please.. just go.. i am alone in this thing since the first place. u were never there to comfort me. so let me alone fighting all this, i already used to it without u by my side..

empty cans

i may not be perfect, everyone's not perfect. but i'm trying my best to be myself. i don't wanna be a FAKE. just like a hard cold plastic, they don't have any feelings. if u wanna be a fake person, at least u know how to do that. if not, u just might hurt others. seeing ur fake expression whenever u tell them "Oh u look so cute", "I love ur dress" and blah blah blah is just make others annoying, others who realize that u'r not saying those words from the bottom of ur heart.

and i just can watch u do it over and over again. *sigh*

just one thing, if u being fake with me, i'm gonna do the same thing. only worst. so from now on, u better watch ur mouth, think first before talk. do not talk with empty head. someone told me u talk just like empty cans.