i'ts you, it's you, it's all for you.

This is just some... I don't know. Lately I've been feeling so uneasy with all these feelings that keep playing around me. I try really hard to make it go away but somehow it keeps coming back and fuck I hate it. I really do. FML.

When you're in love with someone, I guess the only thing you want for that person is to let them have their own happiness, besides loving them too much. You can love someone but you can't force someone to love you in return, in case they don't. So, maybe instead of keep forcing them to love you, maybe you can help them to find their own happiness, even though that happiness doesn't include you. Is that so? Is that so? Really? How I hate to make things like that. I hate it but it doesn't mean I didn't helped without the honesty.

I'll try to make you happy even I know this is too hard for me. And I want you to know, I do it with all my heart, coz I love you, even though I'm in pain. You don't have any idea how hurt and miserable I am right now. But I'm trying for you, I'm trying for you so you can live happily. I know this is actually a choice, I know I can leave you because I am so hurt seeing you with somebody else but I chose to stay. I chose the hard way instead. I chose not to leave you and help you to get through all the things that you want to get rid of. Am I stupid? Am I?

You know what? You're in my dreams, and I'm happy. Just thinking of you can make me cry easily for now.

But I promise myself not to cry after this. I will be happy for you. Giving you all those advices, telling you not to cry when I'm actually crying at the same time. I promise I'll try real hard not to cry while giving you any advices anymore. I'll promise to be strong and be someone that you can lean on to.

And I know you are hoping that I'll find someone new later, but for now can I just choose to be with you? Not in any kind of relationship, I just wanna be with you. Not anything special, simply being with you. Maybe people will find that this is ridiculous, why would wanna be with someone that never wanted you in their lives? But I made my decision. I don't care.

And that's how things are going to be after this. Until I come up to something better later, this is how it gonna be. I'm gonna stick around to make your day. I'm going to put a smile on your face when you're feeling down. I promise. And above all this, I wish you nothing but happiness dear. I love you Apple Pie. :)