Just A Thought

What would you if you’re feeling sad or down? When you yourself don’t know the reason behind all of your misery, you started to tear up and cry like hell. Well at least it makes you feel better. But for some reason, you cannot cry yourself out. You cannot talk to anybody about what is going on in your mind, or what you actually feel in your heart, because you afraid they might not understand you. They might laugh at you in their head instead of trying to comfort you or trying to figure it out together with you. But thing is, you actually know the reason behind your sadness deep down inside of you. You know it too well you started to deny it every now and then. You tell yourself that it doesn’t matter to be in that state, because it will pass. Everything shall pass. The sadness and burden that you carry on your shoulder will eventually fly away on the wings of time. Yet you do not sure when that day will come. Like they said, it is day one or one day; you choose. It takes time to heal every wound. The deeper the wound, the longer time it will take; some may say. And when the wound heal, the scars then remain there forever. Just to remind you not to repeat the same mistake again. It is not stupid when you make mistake, because from it you are learning something. At least it means something to you. We’re growing by making mistakes, and thus by mistakes make us learn to be a little wiser in making decision in the next time. 

standing up again

Everything happens in our lives has it own reason, even we wish we knew what the reason is sometimes. People come and go in our lives, simply taught us the things we haven't learn before. So next time we'll know what to do. There's a reason why God put some people in our lives. When God moves a person in your life, He is letting you know that you have learned everything you need to know from that person. That person has learned everything he needs to know from you. Just live your live to the fullest and never let others down you. Shits happen, none taken. Just flush and move on.

kaamatan~

this weekend and and the whole next week will be my another 'long' holiday, well guys i can't take hols for too long and for some reasons, i just don't know why. T___T but it's okay, i think i am gonna enjoy myself, err i really hope so. i am coming back for Tadau Kaamatan, which means harvest festival but i don't think i'll be able to celebrate kaamatan with my family. @.@

lately i've been doing things that i never done before in my whole life. i don't think i'm crazy but i think it is just a step for a new episode. i just hope for an happy ending. yeay. but putting too much hope will hurt too much too. sooooo..... i don't know. :D:D:D

and i am excited about tomorrow, i am going to Danum Valley! except for the fact that i have to replace my friend to give a talk about leptospirosis. i will talk about rats, cats, pigs etc. fark. and the boss of the resort said we can go for safari night after finish everything. waaaa.... can't wait. and today is also packed with activities. have farewell dinner for one of our colleague and then straight for outreach activities, hiv screening. and we'll see chicks running here and there, again. lol.

Aww.. It's 2013 and I'm Late

Things changed. I am a working person now. Currently staying and working at Lahad Datu, Sabah. Yeah, the place where everyone is afraid of to set their foots. I feel okay here, now that things have slowly cool down. It gets better I guess. No more fires, guns, bombs, hurm. Maybe. :0

Being as a working person is actually kinda exhausted. Now I know. And my working life here is getting hard when Lahad Datu get its hit from the Sulu army. Too many works that I have to cope with. It is okay, I gained experiences from it. Not many people have the chance like we have in here, even though some people might say, it is crazy to be here. Yes, it's crazy. But we tried our best to make things better. Remember we were not trained to face situation like this. I am tired, but at least I learned something.

And lately, I've been taking some decision that I am not really sure whether it's gonna make me happy or drag me into something more miserable than ever. I am trying to forget. And yet I am still trying. I always said to my friends, never jump into a new relationship just because you want to forget somebody. Cuz it will hurts the new one. Your heart and mine are still aching. But I hope that we can make it right. Lets take chances together. I love you.

Waiting for "Love Letter"

I'm waiting for my 'love letter' to arrive safely in my mail box. I am now currently at home, guyang kaki doing nothing. It almost drives me insane. I am so bored. Mo jalan but duit tiada. No job no money laa. Sienz. I was wondering about looking for a temporary job before but yeah, talk but no action won't bring you anywhere. So my 'love letter', please come faster. I need youuuu. =.='

Sabah Youth Day 3 is just around the corner. This time it will be held at Tambunan on the 20th of August until 24th of August this year. It is my first time joining SYD so yaa I am excited. :) Hopefully everything will be just fine.

Since I'm at home only, my daily routines are all the same. Wake up in the morning, cleaning the house, cooking lunch, part time nursery for my 4 younger brothers, eat, shower, making dinner, online all day etc. Short word, every day is the same! Oh my english. Oh yes, I'm watching Oh My English on TVIQ. It's a very good learning programme actually. Don't forget to watch OME on TVIQ every Sunday 10.30a.m. lolzz.

Baaa ok. Babaii~~

bored hols

Currently at home. Will be back to college this Wednesday for my 1 week induction starting on this 8th of June. Hope everything will run smoothly without any problems. After that will come back to Sabah on the 17th of June. 3 years has passed. How time flies. And then if God's will, I will start my working life soon. Yaiii. I don't think I'm ready for this. =.='

There's nothing much to do at home. Besides taking care of my jajal brothers, I only spent my whole day playing poker. It drives me insane when lose too much chips. fml. There's nothing to do, really. huhaii.

And I don't have anything else to update. Oh ya, I passed my final exam. Thank God. :)
Am going to play poker back. Take care fellas. :D

formative's exam tretetettttt~

Exam for formative already over and ya, i'm glad! ekekeke. Now only have to finish my research, print out everything, be ready for practical exam and last going back to college for final exam! o.m.g. I am almost at the end of my journey in my study at KSKB Sungai Buloh as a Health Inspector trainee. So far, i feel okay. But the truth is, i don't have any courage to go back there to college. I'm scared. I leave the rest in God's hands. Ok, that's all the updates for now. See ya!

p/s: I am a big fan of Christina Grimmie for now! LOL. xD

final semester break

It's March. March in 2012 is already here not long ago. It's 7th of March 2012. How time flies. I'm in the middle of my semester break and it's only three of us left at hostel. The rest were going back to hometown, well some of them did. Leaving just me, Ema and Kak As. But we're having fun, in our own ways though. Haha. Today we are planning to hit the mall, and the k-box as well. Ekeke. And buying some groceries. Not much needed during holiday. :)

And as the holiday goes on, I haven't started any of my works yet. Still sitting playing some games, online till midnight, watching movies and dramas, and not a single work is done. I should start later. Probably tomorrow. No idea. :P

I should get some sleep now. It's already late. :)

born.to.die

Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take
But I'm hoping that the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine
It's like I told you honey

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die

Lost but now I am found
I can see but once I was blind
I was so confused as a little child
Tried to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn't find
All the answers, honey

the moment, it's ours.

It has been a long time
Since I first had this feeling
And then there u were
Smiling at me
Making me feel alive once again
U helped me to get through everything that I need to let go
U healed my wound, and even helped to remove the scars
I thought the world was going to end
And everything will be gone in a blink of an eye
I was afraid to open up my eyes
But u hold my hand and said "It's ok, I'm here for u."
And I believe in u
I believe that u will take care of me, take care of what's left of me
Never thought that the scars will bleed again
I guess I was never put on this earth to take chances with u
But don't misunderstand
I was so happy at its best when I'm with u
Every moment spent together, short but meaningful
I'll treasure it forever.

i'ts you, it's you, it's all for you.

This is just some... I don't know. Lately I've been feeling so uneasy with all these feelings that keep playing around me. I try really hard to make it go away but somehow it keeps coming back and fuck I hate it. I really do. FML.

When you're in love with someone, I guess the only thing you want for that person is to let them have their own happiness, besides loving them too much. You can love someone but you can't force someone to love you in return, in case they don't. So, maybe instead of keep forcing them to love you, maybe you can help them to find their own happiness, even though that happiness doesn't include you. Is that so? Is that so? Really? How I hate to make things like that. I hate it but it doesn't mean I didn't helped without the honesty.

I'll try to make you happy even I know this is too hard for me. And I want you to know, I do it with all my heart, coz I love you, even though I'm in pain. You don't have any idea how hurt and miserable I am right now. But I'm trying for you, I'm trying for you so you can live happily. I know this is actually a choice, I know I can leave you because I am so hurt seeing you with somebody else but I chose to stay. I chose the hard way instead. I chose not to leave you and help you to get through all the things that you want to get rid of. Am I stupid? Am I?

You know what? You're in my dreams, and I'm happy. Just thinking of you can make me cry easily for now.

But I promise myself not to cry after this. I will be happy for you. Giving you all those advices, telling you not to cry when I'm actually crying at the same time. I promise I'll try real hard not to cry while giving you any advices anymore. I'll promise to be strong and be someone that you can lean on to.

And I know you are hoping that I'll find someone new later, but for now can I just choose to be with you? Not in any kind of relationship, I just wanna be with you. Not anything special, simply being with you. Maybe people will find that this is ridiculous, why would wanna be with someone that never wanted you in their lives? But I made my decision. I don't care.

And that's how things are going to be after this. Until I come up to something better later, this is how it gonna be. I'm gonna stick around to make your day. I'm going to put a smile on your face when you're feeling down. I promise. And above all this, I wish you nothing but happiness dear. I love you Apple Pie. :)

time to kick some fats!

Recently, the government has issued a requirement for all employees working with the government; the body mass index (BMI) for all workers should always be ideal. And hell yeah, mine is overweight. wtf. So, as I have self-awareness, I've set some goals to reduce my weight a little. This is not gonna be easy so I have set a simple but yet can be applied in my daily routines. I'm going to share u some tips that I found while googling, U can follow this one if u want (just in case u also wanna lose some weight like me ahaa). I'm following this one btw. :p

Guide to Behavior Change

Your Weight Is Important!

Over the past few years it has become clear that weight is an important health issue. Some people who need to lose weight for their health don't recognize it, while others who don't need to lose weight want to get thinner for cosmetic reasons. We understand that in some ways your weight is different from, for example, your cholesterol level or your blood pressure, because you can't see what these are by looking at someone. Many patients have had health care providers who approached their weight in a less-than-sensitive or helpful manner. Some patients may have had health care encounters in which they felt blamed, but not helped. Successful weight management is a long-term challenge.
Weight can affect a person's self-esteem. Excess weight is highly visible and evokes some powerful reactions, however unfairly, from other people and from the people who carry the excess weight. The amount of weight loss needed to improve your health may be much less than you wish to lose, when you consider how you evaluate your weight. Research has shown that your health can be greatly improved by a loss of 5–10 percent of your starting weight. That doesn't mean you have to stop there, but it does mean that an initial goal of losing 5–10 percent of your starting weight is both realistic and valuable.

Behaviors That Will Help You Lose Weight and Maintain It!

Set the Right Goals
Setting the right goals is an important first step. Most people trying to lose weight focus on just that one goal: weight loss. However, the most productive areas to focus on are the dietary and physical activity changes that will lead to long-term weight change. Successful weight managers are those who select two or three goals at a time that are manageable.
Useful goals should be (1) specific; (2) attainable (doable); and (3) forgiving (less than perfect). "Exercise more" is a great goal, but it's not specific. "Walk 5 miles every day" is specific and measurable, but is it doable if you're just starting out? "Walk 30 minutes every day" is more attainable, but what happens if you're held up at work one day and there's a thunderstorm during your walking time another day? "Walk 30 minutes, 5 days each week" is specific, doable, and forgiving. In short, a great goal!

Nothing Succeeds Like Success!

Shaping is a behavioral technique in which you select a series of short-term goals that get closer and closer to the ultimate goal (e.g., an initial reduction of fat intake from 40 percent of calories to 35 percent of calories, and later to 30 percent). It is based on the concept that "nothing succeeds like success." Shaping uses two important behavioral principles: (1) consecutive goals that move you ahead in small steps are the best way to reach a distant point; and (2) consecutive rewards keep the overall effort invigorated.

Reward Success (But Not With Food)!

An effective reward is something that is desirable, timely, and dependent on meeting your goal. The rewards you choose may be material (e.g., a movie or music CD, or a payment toward buying a more costly item) or an act of self-kindness (e.g., an afternoon off from work or just an hour of quiet time away from family). Frequent small rewards, earned for meeting smaller goals, are more effective than bigger rewards that require a long, difficult effort.

Balance Your Food Checkbook!

"Self-monitoring" refers to observing and recording some aspect of your behavior, such as calorie intake, servings of fruits and vegetables, amount of physical activity, etc., or an outcome of these behaviors, such as weight. Self-monitoring of a behavior can be used at times when you're not sure how you're doing, and at times when you want the behavior to improve. Self-monitoring of a behavior usually moves you closer to the desired direction and can produce "real-time" records for review by you and your health care provider. For example, keeping a record of your physical activity can let you and your provider know quickly how you're doing. When the record shows that your activity is increasing, you'll be encouraged to keep it up. Some patients find that specific self-monitoring forms make it easier, while others prefer to use their own recording system.
While you may or may not wish to weigh yourself frequently while losing weight, regular monitoring of your weight will be essential to help you maintain your lower weight. When keeping a record of your weight, a graph may be more informative than a list of your weights. When weighing yourself and keeping a weight graph or table, however, remember that one day's diet and exercise patterns won't have a measurable effect on your weight the next day. Today's weight is not a true measure of how well you followed your program yesterday, because your body's water weight will change from day to day, and water changes are often the result of things that have nothing to do with your weight-management efforts.

Avoid a Chain Reaction!

Stimulus (cue) control involves learning what social or environmental cues seem to encourage undesired eating, and then changing those cues. For example, you may learn from reflection or from self-monitoring records that you're more likely to overeat while watching television, or whenever treats are on display by the office coffee pot, or when around a certain friend. You might then try to change the situation, such as by separating the association of eating from the cue (don't eat while watching television), avoiding or eliminating the cue (leave the coffee room immediately after pouring coffee), or changing the circumstances surrounding the cue (plan to meet your friend in a nonfood setting). In general, visible and reachable food items are often cues for unplanned eating.

Get the Fullness Message!

Changing the way you go about eating can make it easier to eat less without feeling deprived. It takes 15 or more minutes for your brain to get the message that you've been fed. Eating slowly will help you feel satisfied. Eating lots of vegetables and fruits can make you feel fuller. Another trick is to use smaller plates so that moderate portions do not appear too small. Changing your eating schedule, or setting one, can be helpful, especially if you tend to skip, or delay, meals and overeat later.

unhappy hols

it's been a week since i'm home. it was not my intention to take a leave a week early before the holidays. i was never intend to go back home actually on this holidays. but something came up, and i rush going back to my hometown. have u read my last blog? that's why i am here right now. everything's been settled down and i hope everyone is okay now, especially my late cousin's family. it's a sadden fact that someone who so close to you suddenly leave you without saying anything. but we have to move on. that's life. everyone will go back to see their creator one day. and maybe just by saying these words makes me look that i'm okay with it, actually am not. but i try my very best to let go of what had happened and continue living. i'll be fine, everyone will be fine. we will, don't we? :)

and as for now, i'm so worried bout my proposal. i need to submit my proposal of research after this holiday. and i didn't have anything with me right now including my lappy, everything's inside it. i was in rush last week i didn't bring anything to here. and i haven't yet meet the officer to ask some data to be used for my proposal later. i'm going to be very busy as soon as i come back to Jitra later. it will be a bit difficult, but i believe i can do it. i believe in myself.

it's late. gotta go.

R.I.P Jed Lim, we love you.

My day started with a shock and sad news. Today, a dearly beloved cousin of mine has gone to see God. It was all out of sudden. I was shocked and burst into tears when I heard the sad news early in the morning. In fact, I'm still in shock and hard to believe that he was not here anymore. We can't see him anymore. He has gone forever and never will come back. He was such a good kid to his parents, a very nice friend towards everyone. He was one of the best person I've ever known. And I guess God loves him more than we do. That's why He took him when he was still very young at his age. I wanted so much for him to be still alive in this world but maybe he belong to up there, somewhere in heaven. I believe that God will take care of him, sending him the angels above to guard him. Dear cousin, if only I knew you will leave just like this, I would spend my time a little bit longer with you. Just a little bit longer will do. I just want another moment with you. I am so sorry for never spent so much time with you. And thanks for always helping me out when I need you. I will cherish every moment we had spent together. I'll treasure our childhood memories forever. Sure, it will never be the same again because you are not here with us anymore, but I'm sure that you are alive in everyone's heart. We will always remember you, as a great person that ever being there with us. We will miss you and we'll keep on living for you. Rest in peace our dearly Jed Lim. =')

                                God's finger touched him, and he slept.

bored

today:

1) watch drama

2) watch drama

3) watch drama

4) sleep.

tomorrow:

1) research? 

to be honest i actually start almost nothing since get back to practical period. i just, lazy. ya im lazy. ohh!

have a little faith

talking about u is one of the thing that i used to do before. i love to tell about u to my friends. but slowly, i really don't feel that kind of feeling anymore. we are not that close anymore. that's the fact and from the way i see it, there's no way things could get back like before. and my heart is torn apart, seeing how we have gone this far. if only i could do something to get things back like they used to. but things seems like don't fall into its places at this moment. how can we survive this? i really want to see us happy, just like before. and it breaks my heart every time we are together but we don't feel as one. i pray to God to bring us back together, and hoping that all things were settled finely. we could be happy if we chose to be happy. if u can't think for the sake of the other, please think for the sake of me, for the sake of us. please..
i know there's some time when u really feel that u can't bear it any longer, feels like u wanna just leave. but then come to think of this, consider this is just a test from God for us. if we united as one, we can make through this. it hurts but please hold on. just hold on.. just don't crush everything that we have up until now. we can do this. trust me. we're all in this together. no one is left out. i love u.

happy newwwww year 2012 peeps!

waaaa 2012 suda ka?? wakakaka. thank God i made it to 2012. hehe. :)
btw, this year gonna be my final year and final semester at college! hehe. i really can't wait to finish my study this year and start to work. yaiiii ahahaha. surely i'm gonna miss my college's life and yes if got any chances i will further my study. bagus kan anak Uncle Ben, mo study lagi kunun. hahaha! :p
so my resolution for this new year is to moginum study well and get my diploma. wahaha! i pray that everyone will achieve their dreams this year ok! so, let go of everything's that brought us to miserable state and start a new page in our lives aite. :)
and last but not least, Happy New Year of 2012 to everyone! time to repent isn't it? ahahaha. :D

exam over and holiday!

Yahhhhhh!!! Habis suda exam! Ekekeke. But i'm still here, waiting for the activities that has been planned by the college for us! Panggil laaaa saya budak skema ka apa ka, saya x kisah! Wahaha. *wink*

And after that, will going off to Ulu Kinta for the graduation's ceremony. But not my graduation ahh. It is still a long way to go. :)

Lepas tu baru balik rumah! yayy! Ehehe. :)

Bah tu ja la saya mo update. X banyak benda juga mo cerita. Wakaka. Oh ya, tomorrow will going to send off dearly San to airport, actually sampai kl central ja bh, hehe. She's going back home tomorrow. Ok! I'm going off by now. Adios!

hols-over

my holidays are almost reaching its end. and tomorrow i'm going back to jitra, starting all those busy days again. i don't feel like working coz i'm still in holiday mood. time just flies too fast. so today i'm just gonna pack up my stuff, grab everything that i can and leave. there was something happened at home during this holiday, makes me even hard to leave. and i don't want to mention what was that about.
hope everything will be just fine. wish everyone luck in dealing with their lives.

better off anyway

no matter where this story goes, it's always been me who's hurt. i know someone else feels the same, but i just don't care anymore. i wanna be free. i wanna fly like a bird. it has been a long time and i'm wondering why is it always me. i'm not too stupid to realize what's going on around me or what people do around me. i'm growing up and as i get older, i'm getting confused with myself, who i want to be and with whom i want to be with. i don't know who the hell i am anymore. i just lost my way for now. i know i just wanna be me and little changes won't be hurt. i have to set an aim in my head and being a little overprotective might help me a bit. it's not like i'm build up blocks around me, i just don't wanna get hurt anymore. i'm going to stay away and no more turn around after that. instead of crying every night, i'm going to have a blast in my life. i want to live it to the fullest, like people always said. so that's it, i wanted to move on. i wanted it so much that i even wanted to jump off from a 100 storeys building. fuck everything that hurts me. fuck everyone who broke my heart. i am not going to be the same. this one i promise u. i'm going off and never come back into your life. i'm getting enough and i just can't take it anymore. i don't care what people said or what they think when reading this. i know they will not understand but believe me, this is not some crap that i wrote to get some cheap shit of attention. this is what my heart wants to say. and from this day on, i hope the new but not too much me is reborn.